CHAIRMAN CJ LEE // PORYGON DIVISION
Executive credentials verified. Subject is currently listed on indefinite paid sabbatical by authorization of Director Giovanni.
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Gay / Achillean
The topic of Porygon drags CJ into its awaiting maw, consuming the entirety of his focus. CJ’s generosity is fabricated. While he may not have any attachments to the material world, all of his focus remains on Porygon. His room reveals just how far this obsession goes, as web servers line the wall, their sole purpose being to provide a digital environment for Porygon to play in. His disposition towards humans is dodgy at best. He’s notorious for his moodiness and has low-tolerance for anyone interfering with his modus operandi.
As a trainer, Porygon is all he cares about. He has no interest in owning any other Pokémon, often preferring to take a picture on his Poryphone instead.
> SECURITY RECORD: He’s quick to defend Porygon, even in a matter of opinion. He has been arrested once before for assault — he punched someone square in the jaw because they said that it was ‘too angular’.
CJ’s very being is interlaced with technology. He possesses a quick wit when it comes to understanding devices and complex programs. He sees them as extensions of his own mind and what he can accomplish with ‘upgrades, people, upgrades’. His aptitude goes beyond gadgets — he has a knack for anything tech-related and can pick up new concepts rather easily. Keyboards and screens offer his jumbled mind deliverance, an outlet that grants his mindscape tangibility.
Dismissed as nothing more than toys for children and corporate types, society at large sees Porygon as CJ’s crutches; however, to the executive, that couldn’t be further from the truth. This proficiency, combined with his impeccable pattern recognition, allowed him to learn how to communicate with Porygon. This synchronicity with his beeper children grants CJ a unique perspective on Pokémon battling, allowing him to consider and implement patches to vulnerabilities in his team-building on the fly.
CJ's greatest weakness is his refusal to work with anything that isn’t Porygon. Any light within will be snuffed, rended from his soul if he’s separated from the polygonal avians he holds dear. The man will remain within a gilded cage if he does not break his cycle of stubbornness and inflexibility.
Organic Pokémon are sentient wildcards he refuses to work around. Because of that, he falls back on what he knows the most — Porygon. His coworkers consider him a savant, and they’ve learned the hard way to not question him.
✔ Caffeine | ✔ Porygon | ✔ Technology & the sciences
CJ's life revolves around Porygon. He singlehandedly manages repositories meant for the improvement of Porygon’s existence. The man consumes so much coffee that the machine itself has fallen into states of disrepair countless times. A metaphorical mole-man, he isolates himself, not leaving the lab for days, if not weeks at a time. There’s never a moment his work does not ultimately relate to the betterment of his cyberkids.
✘ Being rushed | ✘ Not Porygon | ✘ Being underestimated
CJ operates at his own pace, even though he lacks consistency. He despises being rushed, and he’s well-known around the office for shouting ‘do you want it done my way or not at all?’
If you underestimate this man, may Arceus help you, because he’ll become absolutely insufferable. He feels like he has something to prove at that point, and won’t stop until his point is proven, no matter how minor the scenario may be.
CJ's tastes are undeniably... influenced by his Porygon obsession. Mealtimes are a utilitarian affair — he only eats when and what his Porygon eats. Why waste time on separate meals, after all? Entertainment follows a similar path. Documentaries chronicling Porygon's creation or any film featuring the virtual Pokémon become instant favorites. Music, too, reflects his digital leanings. Chiptune interlaces his playlist, its simple tones carrying deeper meaning below the surface. Normal-types are his preferred type. Why? Porygon’s Normal-type. If Porygon were ever re-classified, he’d naturally adopt that type as well. In CJ's world, everything, from his diet to his downtime, revolves around the tangible Tamagotchis he holds so dear.
❤ Caring for Porygon | ❤ Tinkering with tech | ❤ Cooking | ❤ Crocheting
CJ has a specific set of skills that lie at the intersection between love and logic. His primary focus is ensuring the well-being of his Porygon. The man’s a walking advertisement for Pokémon-Amie, a shining example for what the ideal bond between man and ‘mon should be. Crocheting and knitting are the man’s not-so-secret extracurriculars.
Knitting and crocheting is worth every drop of blood forced from the tips of his fingers by a misplaced needle — creating hats, sweaters, and tail cozies are his labors of love. One could say Porygon itself is CJ’s hobby. Everything he does adds one more brick to the metaphorical path leading to his goal – a world where Porygon can thrive, and where CJ, their devoted caretaker, can finally call home.
➤ Establish a Porygon sanctuary | ➤ Be with Porygon forever
CJ's dream is to create a Porygon sanctuary. He envisions a haven – a region, a town, anything that provides ample space for a community of Porygon to exist and thrive. In his labyrinthine mind, such a settlement is a liberation initiative. He believes no one else understands or appreciates Porygon like he does, and that their current trainers and researchers are simply holding them back. Thus, any Porygon encounters becomes a target for "acquisition". He'll utilize his resources and ruthlessness to seize them, building his Porygon utopia one capture at a time.
However, CJ isn't a mindless conqueror. Efficiency is his middle name. He operates with a cold, calculating logic, similar to Occam's Razor – the simplest solution is usually the best. Unpopulated areas become prime targets, minimizing resistance and streamlining the takeover process. While he might consider the existing population of a potential location, it's not out of compassion. He simply wants to avoid unnecessary conflict and facilitate a smoother transition. CJ's ambition may be monstrous, but it's fueled by a warped sense of duty – a chilling crusade to create a perfect world, not for himself, but for the digital creatures he sees as misunderstood and mistreated.
➤ Losing his Porygon | ➤ Outer space
CJ has a deep-seated fear he lacks the strength to voice aloud: the loss of his Porygon. The idea of them vanishing somehow, whether by a glitch in the system or a cruel act of Arceus, is too troubling to ponder in the long-term. He refuses to.
Without Porygon, CJ thinks his life is worth nothing more than a dead leaf in the wind. His drive is a desperate attempt to grant his purpose – and their forever-home – permanence. He's even gone on record with a chilling contingency plan: if a physical world sanctuary proves impossible, he'll map his brain and have it uploaded to “virtuality”. "If they can't come to me," he's declared, "I'll go to them." The act would be tantamount to suicide, a digital leap of faith into the enigmatic ones and zeroes of the internet. After all, one can’t be sure if the complexities of the human mind can be simply translated into computer-parsable data. But for CJ, the prospect of a life without Porygon is a fate far worse than death.
CJ’s got a fear many perceive as weird in the grand scheme of things: outer space. The endless abyss causes a deep paralysis to set into his nerves. Even so, Porygon brings him comfort with the knowledge that they can freely move about such an environment. His dreams of building a haven for Porygon is rooted on solid-ground, at least. He's a man with a tight leash on digital realities, yet terrified of the ultimate unknown.
Commissioned from @wiredsmiles on Discord
Commissioned from @kira_beep on Discord
CJ cuts a striking figure, a walking testament to his obsession. His crowning glory is a sea of black dreadlocks, cascading down his back when loose, but usually pulled back into a practical ponytail during work hours. Round, deep brown eyes, almost appearing black, hold an unsettling intensity. However, his gaze isn't enhanced by nature – he utilizes contacts to distort his pupils into perfect cubes, a chillingly digital modification.
Standing at an average height of 5'9", CJ carries 233 lbs – a weight not by chance, but a deliberate choice mirroring Porygon2's Dex number. While currently of average build due to a history of neglecting his own needs, his natural tendency leans towards a heavier frame. Scars etched across his body hint at a past shrouded in secrecy: a jagged diagonal scar on the back of his left hand, a long, vertical mark running down his right shin, another hidden near his right thigh, and a tiny, almost insignificant round mark on his ankle.
Ink adorns his arms, a permanent declaration of his devotion. On his inner right arm, the number '137' – Porygon's Dex number – serves as a discreet reminder. His left arm, however, is a full-blown shrine. A detailed Porygon tattoo graces his upper left arm, near the shoulder. Below it, a full-sleeve mural unfolds, depicting Porygon, Porygon2, and Porygon-Z in all their digital glory. These tattoos aren't mere decoration; they're a constant visual connection to his singular purpose.
Despite his imposing physique, CJ's daily attire leans towards practicality. A standard lab coat, emblazoned with the Silph Corporation’s logo on the right chest – a constant, ironic reminder of the corporation funding his personal mission – drapes over his chosen undergarment. Beneath the coat lies a hidden world. Each day, a different Porygon-themed t-shirt peeks out, a subtle declaration of his true allegiance. These shirts range from beautifully rendered portraits to whimsical, cartoonish designs – a testament to the breadth of his fascination. For comfort, he opts for loose black sweatpants, allowing for ease of movement in the lab. Completing the look are a pair of black boots, their utilitarian nature offset by the addition of light blue laces – a hint of individuality peeking through the professional facade. CJ's carefully curated appearance is a fascinating paradox – a blend of corporate conformity and an unyielding obsession, all wrapped around a man who prioritizes digital companions over human connection.
CJ's childhood wasn't devoid of light. Surrounded by educational toys, Pokémon guides, and a child's PDA, his mind thrived on exploration. Excellent grades were a testament to his natural curiosity, and his prized possession – a full-fledged PDA with a 3D Pokédex and unfettered internet access – became a gateway to a digital world. This is where his fascination with Porygon began.
Porygon, Porygon2, and Porygon-Z were his companions, not just data to be collected. He devoured their information, listened to their cries on repeat, and spent countless hours navigating a charming Porygon maze game. He even befriended a demo version online, a limited companion whose existence only fueled his desire for more. This early exposure ignited a spark within him: a desire to understand, to bridge the gap between the human and digital realms.
However, not everyone shared his passion. His father, a man of practicality, remained a distant figure, unable to connect with his son's digital obsession. This lack of understanding planted a seed of loneliness within CJ, a yearning for connection that the digital world seemed to promise.
Then came Brian, a kindred spirit in his tweens. Their bond thrived on childish Pokémon debates and a shared love for fantastical creatures. But this friendship started to fray in their early teens when Baxter, a manipulative newcomer, entered the scene. Baxter, with his parasitic personality, latched onto CJ, making decisions for him and fueling his Porygon obsession into a dangerous fire. Baxter's influence was toxic, often resorting to violence when his taunts about Porygon landed poorly. CJ, fueled by a distorted sense of loyalty and a corrupted understanding of friendship, responded with brutal efficiency.
As CJ entered his middle to late teens, his grades plummeted. The warmth of early childhood learning was replaced by a cold, digital fixation. He retreated into his room, devouring everything Porygon related. His grades became a bargaining chip, an empty threat from his parents that finally pushed him over the edge. He crumbled under the weight of their increasingly-lofty expectations. Packing a bag, he stole a Porygon – a gift his father received from work – and set out on a self-destructive path.
CJ, once a bright young mind, was now a petty criminal, driven by adoration for his Porygon companion, Ubuntu. His journey took him down a dark path – petty theft, hacking, piracy – each crime a desperate attempt to build a digital sanctuary for himself and his stolen Porygon companions. This descent wasn't unnoticed. Team Rocket grunts, with their keen eyes for anything potentially lucrative, picked up the digital breadcrumbs CJ left behind – unauthorized access attempts, data breaches, and the occasional stolen prototype component.
Word of a lone hacker with a peculiar obsession with Porygon eventually landed on the desk of the enigmatic Giovanni. Intrigued by this anomaly, Giovanni dispatched two operatives to investigate. They found CJ in a dingy hideout, surrounded by flickering monitors and a growing collection of Porygon. The sight was unsettling, yet strangely fascinating. CJ, initially wary, found himself captivated by Giovanni's offer. Funding, resources, a chance to create a Porygon utopia – it was everything CJ craved, wrapped in a neat, tempting package. Blinded by his ambition and fueled by the falsified trust he convinced himself he had for the man, he readily agreed.
Giovanni, ever the pragmatist himself, saw a unique opportunity. CJ's skills and unwavering focus on Porygon were undeniable assets. The Silph Corporation, now under Team Rocket's control, offered the perfect platform. With a twist of his wrist, Giovanni made CJ an offer he couldn't refuse – a position as the chairman of the newly formed Porygon Division within the Silph Corporation. CJ, ecstatic at the chance to work with legitimate resources and a team of scientists (some of whom he'd previously hacked to access data!), readily agreed. He donned the Silph Corporation’s lab coat, a symbol of feigned legitimacy, and dove headfirst into his research.
Little did CJ realize, he was now a pawn in a much larger game. Giovanni saw Porygon not just as a curiosity, but as a potential weapon. CJ, however, remained blissfully unaware, his mind consumed by the dream of a digital paradise, a world where the warmth of human connection was replaced by the cold efficiency of code and the comforting hum of Porygon companionship. Now, within the sterile confines of the Silph Corporation, CJ would continue his research, his brilliance both a blessing and a curse, as he hurtled ever closer to a future he believed was utopia, but which might ultimately become his digital prison.
CJ cradled the black, metallic gauntlet in his hands, a sinister glint in his eyes. It wasn't just any gauntlet; it was a Snag Machine, a rare and coveted tool gifted by the enigmatic leader of Team Rocket, Giovanni after a successful raid in Orre. This wasn't about blind loyalty, though. CJ had his own agenda, and the Snag Machine was the key.
He believed that the Porygon were being mistreated. Confined to Poké Balls, forced to battle – it was an abomination in his eyes. Porygon were sentient beings, deserving of rights and freedoms no trainer seemed willing to grant. The Snag Machine, with its long-range capture technology, would change that.
It wasn't about brute force. CJ envisioned himself as a liberator, snatching Porygon from unsuspecting trainers and whisking them away to a digital paradise of his own creation. The Snag Machine doubled as a grappling hook, perfect for covert operations. He'd swoop in unseen, liberate a Porygon with a silent snag, and disappear into the night, leaving bewildered trainers in his wake.
The initial struggle, he knew, was inevitable. Porygon, used to the rigid structure of trainer commands, would likely protest. But CJ was prepared. He'd shower them with digital boons, tailor-made programs that catered to their individual desires. They'd have access to endless information streams, virtual worlds to explore, freedom to be whatever they wished. Bliss, not battles, would be their new reality.
In CJ's mind, this wasn't theft; it was a rescue mission. He was the only one who truly understood Porygon, the only one who could offer them the perfect existence they deserved. And with the Snag Machine strapped to his arm, he was ready to liberate them all, one unsuspecting trainer at a time.
CJ's obsession with Porygon was a sense of kinship. He couldn't fathom the idea of his precious Porygon companions needing to be traded, spending even a moment in the hands of another trainer, to reach their full potential. This possessiveness, fueled by his distorted understanding of friendship, manifested in his most significant creation: the Porygon Evolution Protocol, or the PEP for short.
Working tirelessly within the confines of the Silph Corporation, CJ poured his code-wielding genius into this program. He meticulously studied the existing evolutionary discs, the Upgrade and Dubious Disc, that facilitated the transformation of Porygon into Porygon2 and Porygon-Z. He delved into the complex code that governed these transformations, mimicking the internal changes and external signals that triggered evolution.
The Porygon Evolution Protocol became his magnum opus. It bypassed the need for trading entirely, allowing Porygon to evolve solely through the presence of the appropriate evolutionary item. By integrating a complex algorithm into the Porygon's system, CJ essentially created a self-upgrading mechanism. When exposed to the Upgrade or Dubious Disc, the protocol would initiate a safe and controlled evolutionary process. The Porygon wouldn't need to leave his care, wouldn't be subjected to the unknown variable of another trainer. It was a self-contained digital cocoon, a metamorphosis orchestrated entirely by CJ's design.
This achievement wasn't just a scientific breakthrough for CJ, it was a validation of his possessiveness. In his mind, he had secured the ultimate control over his Porygon companions, safeguarding them from the perceived dangers of the external world. The Porygon Evolution Protocol was a testament to his devotion, a digital cage disguised as a nurturing environment. It fueled his delusion that he was the sole provider, the creator, and the savior of his Porygon utopia.
CJ was getting antsy. So, so damn restless, he felt like he was about to explode. Surrounded by the perpetual white noise and pristine conditions of his lab, he was faced with a startling realization. He was a hypocrite. How could he guide his Porygon to an eternal paradise when he had no clue what ‘outside’ was even like? Sure, he'd devoured data entries and navigated virtual labyrinths, but that wasn't the same as the darkness of the real world, overcoming adversity through camaraderie and sheer force-of-will.
Ever since he got that Snag Machine, he’d been doing nothing but doubting himself. He just didn’t want to admit it. He'd snatched Porygon from their trainers, yes, but had he offered them a true alternative? Was a curated digital paradise the answer, or were there experiences, lessons learned on the dusty trails and bustling cities, that he was completely overlooking? How could he, a man who'd never trained a Pokémon in the traditional sense, design a perfect utopia for them? Carefully-injected data had nothing on human experiences.
Full of determination, he approached Giovanni and ran an idea past him: What if he took a sabbatical? That’d serve as a chance to journey alongside his Porygon companions, not as a blind shepherd leading his flock, but as a fellow traveler experiencing the world for the first time. He craved the dirt beneath his boots, the thrill of competition, the unexpected encounters that made up the life of a trainer. It was a gamble, he knew. Giovanni wouldn't be thrilled with his decision, but he understood. After all, he, too, was a trainer in his prime, and he agreed — he absolutely needed to see the world through the eyes of a trainer, not a hacker, before he dared to dictate the future for his Porygon companions.
At first, a flicker of surprise in Giovanni's conniving eyes, but the shrewd leader saw an advantage. Here was an opportunity to observe the effectiveness of Porygon in the field, not in the sterile, pixel-perfect confines of the lab. With a sly smile, Giovanni gave his blessing, allowing him to take indefinite paid leave. CJ, full of anxiety and caffeine – what else is new? – packed his bags with what he considered to be essential.
This journey wouldn't be about lining Team Rocket's coffers and catering to the whims of the Man In That Chair. It would be about learning, about forging genuine connections with his Porygon companions, and most importantly, about understanding the world he was so desperately trying to recreate within the cold steel walls of the Silph Corporation. It was a chance to step out of the shadows and into the sunlight, a chance to become a trainer, not just a Porygon sympathizer. The path ahead was uncertain, but for the first time in a long time, CJ felt a spark of hope ignite within him. This wasn't just a journey; it was a quest for redemption, a chance to prove to himself, and perhaps even Giovanni, that he could be more than just a pawn in a much larger game.
> SUMMARY: In essence, this man’s going to go touch some grass.
CJ's relationship with his family, particularly his mother, Danielle Lee (née Davis), is a void as vast as the space he fears. Danielle is a retired linesman from a candy factory, and is now a homemaker that dedicated years to raising CJ. CJ doesn’t take this for granted, but his gratitude is detached at best. Danielle’s disapproval is a smog that clings to the air like the smoke off of a bad cigarette, such unspoken disdain coalescing into a rift that tears their family dynamic asunder. She prefers what’s real over what she sees as nothing more than a manufactured fantasy, but to CJ, he thinks she has no authority over what’s real and fake. In his words, “who died and made her the arbiter of the universe?” CJ, for his part, feels a cold indifference towards his family unit. While not harboring any animosity – at least on CJ’s part – they represent a life he's long left behind, a world before Porygon. They are strangers orbiting different realities, forever out of sync.
The gulf between Vaughn Lee, and his son CJ, mars their family tree with unshed tears and respect rendered infinitesimal. Vaughn, a man who wears his love for work on his sleeve (having transitioned from sign manufacturing to hotel security and finally, chasing a late-life dream as a Pokémon Trainer), embodies everything CJ has rejected. Vaughn simply can't grasp his son's digital fixation. He views Porygon not as a potential companion, but as a cold, artificial construct. This difference in beliefs was the natural beginning of the end of their father-son dynamic.
Vaughn, clinging to the memory of the son he once knew, even resorted to a misguided attempt at a wake-up call. A Pokémon battle, meant to put CJ in his place, ended with Vaughn's team dispatched without a second thought, leaving the father in horror at what his son had become. “Where’s the love?” His father wondered, but little did he know, there was no love lost, merely redirected to what CJ considered more important. Vaughn carries the heavy burden of regret, convinced that the PDA he gifted CJ for his 13th birthday was the spark that ignited this deranged obsession. He resents and blames himself for unleashing the catalyst that took his son from him. Now, they exist in a tense standoff, two strangers bound by blood, but divided by vastly different realities.
• Daniel Lee (42, Paternal Uncle): Vaughn's brother shared some of his brother's confusion and disappointment. CJ's descent into digital obsession feels like a personal betrayal, a lost opportunity for a talented mind. Conversations about CJ with Daniel are terse, filled with heavy sighs and unspoken frustration.
• Mona Davis (47, Maternal Aunt): Danielle's sister reflects similar disappointment. Knowing her sister's nurturing spirit, Mona feels a deep pang of sadness for the loving child Danielle raised.
• Hunter Lee (26, Paternal Cousin): Views CJ with a morbid fascination. He's the "crazy cousin," the dirty laundry often hung out to dry, used to highlight the dangers of unchecked ambition.
• Maria Davis (20, Maternal Cousin): Having grown up after CJ's estrangement, she only heard whispers and rumors about the ‘cousin we’re not supposed to talk about’, leading to a mix of fear and pity.
A gnarled echo of a childhood bond. While claiming camaraderie, Baxter's negativity often acted as a sick fuel, fanning the flames of CJ's Porygon obsession into an inferno. Baxter's version of friendship was more akin to bullying. But when Baxter crossed the line, targeting CJ's Porygon with vicious insults, the facade shattered. The beatdown that followed left Baxter physically subdued and deeply afraid. With this victory, CJ managed to “take” respect from Baxter – fear masquerading as friendship. Now, Baxter avoids criticizing CJ at all costs, while CJ tolerates his presence out of an odd feeling of obligation.
Once inseparable, theirs was a bond built on shared interests. However, Brian saw the way Baxter chipped away at CJ's confidence. When CJ stubbornly clung to Baxter despite the negativity, Brian drew a line in the sand at age 21. Beyond the shattered friendship lies a hidden truth Brian carries close to his heart – a secret crush on CJ, never confessed. Now, Brian exists on the periphery of CJ's world, a silent observer filled with anger, disappointment, and a flicker of lingering hope.
• Giovanni (Leader of Team Rocket): CJ views Giovanni as a means to an end, while Giovanni sees an opportunity to exploit Porygon technology. Their interactions are a sterile exchange of resources: funding for CJ's research in exchange for advancements in Team Rocket's arsenal. While CJ wouldn't hesitate to betray Giovanni if a better offer came along, he currently values the financial backing.
• CJ's Coworkers: CJ navigates his workplace with calculated affability—remembering birthdays and minor details as social lubricant. A friendly co-worker is more likely to bend rules, overlook an irregularity, or "accidentally" misplace a shipment of rare components.
• Potential New Pawns: Constantly scanning for ostracized scientists, black-market dealers, or politicians with influence over resource allocation.


Silk Scarf

Eviolite

Normalium-Z (or Chople Berry)

Silk Scarf

Eviolite

Chople Berry

Life Orb

Leftovers

Life OrbActive Sanctuary Nodes: 25 virtualized Porygon instances currently inhabiting CJ's private server array.

























Context: CJ was roped into performing a stand-up comedy routine for a local talent show.
"A comedy routine? Right." He looked at his Porygon. He always considered himself to be terrible at making people laugh... at least on purpose. He tapped his foot, trying to come up with something on the spot. He racked his brain, but only came up with miscellaneous Porygon facts. "Good, I'm nervous, yup." He murmured, feeling the all-too-familiar shiver of anxiety creep up his spine. It was almost suffocating. He took a deep breath and ran up on stage, totally winging his performance: stand up comedy!
"Yo, how y'all doin' today? Y'all ever notice how it's always a million times harder to come up with a routine when you're trying to be funny?”
Coughcough. Cue the classic ‘get on with it!’ from the audience.
“Uh.” He spoke, sweat already beginning to make his palms feel clammy. “Anyways, lemme tell y'all a story from my childhood. When I was about 12 or so, I used to run with my best friend and a not-so-good friend at the same time, Brian and Baxter respectively. Now that I think about it, I must'a had a thing for B names because I sure as hell had a tiiiiiny crush on the both of 'em." He shrugged with an expression that conveyed 'what are ya gonna do?'
‘The point, CJ, get to the goddamned point’, he internally chided himself.
He continued. "This particular morning, I had an urge. A taste. A craving, even… for adventure! But duh, I was 12, we lived on this small region called Orre, there ain't much to do other than poke roadkill with twigs, my idea of adventure at the time was getting to poke a slightly-bigger piece'a roadkill with a slightly-bigger stick!" He briefly paused to gather his thoughts, glad that his words seemed to garner mild chuckles from the crowd.
‘Of course they laughed, it’s so true,’ he thought.
"So I go outside, get the B-boys, and we were out! Okay, if y'all are unfamiliar with Pyrite Town -- where I was brought up --, I'mma need y'all to imagine the shadiest place you've ever seen, then combine it with those typical greaser movies with the dudes who walk in groups like.."
With an absurd amount of confidence that even left him internally scratching his head, he strutted across the stage and snapped his fingers with his left hand, meticulously combing his hair with an invisible comb with his right before stopping. "Like that, right? Got that image in your head? Good, now imagine a town /run/ by those kinds of people. It's like a non-stop '80s movie!" He smiled a bit, pausing again as laughter washed over the audience.
Sweet, sweet validation.
He paced a bit as he continued his bit. "We're walkin' down the street trying to decide what piece of roadkill we'd rather poke that day, right? Brian grabs the both of our hands and goes 'CJ, Baxter, y'all smell that?' Of course, we're looking around like confused Stantler, then lookin' at our shoes to make sure we didn't, y'know…” He flared his nostrils, making a disgusted expression for dramatic effect. “...step on any surprises, right? He's like 'no, dummies, I smell... fire!' So our dumb asses decide to go right to the source - see, this is why supporting characters get killed in movies because they wanna go investigate..." He stopped talking, but still paced as he sipped from his water bottle.
More laughter from the audience. They were warming up to him!
He resumed after swallowing the last of the water in his mouth. "Right, so we're walkin' right up to the fire – because we're dumb, cut us a break, kids, don’t try this at home – and we end up right at the mayor's office. Y'all, lemme tell you... we were not prepared."
He stopped pacing, slowing down his speech as he made eye contact with the audience. "Y'all... the mayor was right in the middle of his office, orange paint on his face, butt in FLAMES..." He did an explosion gesture, turning his body to continue his stride across the stage.
He quickened his speech again. "...squealin' like a greased Grumpig like 'CHAAAAAA! CHAAAAAAA!'” As he made the ‘cha’ sound effects, he cocked his arms back and pointed his body upward, pretending to blow fire. That made the audience snicker.
“He seemed shocked to see us, y'know, 'cause his butt's on fire and there's random kids in his office. Me and the group look at each other to figure out what the hell to do, right?"
"And Baxter has the bright idea to grab the mayor's Luvdisc tank. 10 gallons of fish water came rushing down this dude's entire body! Those poor Luvdisc, flappin’ on the floor like a – well, you know.”
A few people guffawed as more laughter washed over the collective.
“The room was dead silent except for the sound of water dripping. He didn't say a word." He leaned in a bit, pointing forward. "He just... points right over our heads.” He turned his back to the audience, then twisted his body to look behind his back before turning back around. “We turned around and we were absolutely mortified. 20 people standing there in these Charizard shirts were standing at this, like... loft area, staring at us with their jaws on the damn floor.”
He paused. “Over their heads… a big-ass banner. ‘Fifth. Annual. Charizard. Convention’.”
The crowd began to erupt in laughter.
“You coulda knocked me over with a feather, I was done!”
The crowd clapped as he walked off the stage, endorphins rushing through his head. He did it. He actually pulled it off! He had no clue what ghost possessed him and gave him plus-100 points in his invisible Charisma stat, but he was grateful!